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The #1 Ingredient to Effective Confrontation


I was pissed!

It still wasn't done!  We talked about it two weeks ago and I even checked in last week.  

I couldn't have been more clear and it still wasn't done-done.

It was kind of done but not really.

This wasn't the first time either, this has been happening for months!  Things just weren't finished the way I wanted them to be.

"How can I better support you?"

"What do you need from me?"

The response I'd hear, "nothing, I'm good, I'll get it done."

In his mind, IT WAS DONE... 

But it wasn't really done!

So, I'd be frustrated and finish it myself. 

"This isn't ok, I'm not putting up with this much longer!  I'm getting tired of having to finish his work!"

A friend asked me, "what if I were to ask HIM how things are going...?"

He'd say, "it's all good!" 


That's when I realized, this was on me!  I wasn't expressing to him what I really expected.

How was I contributing to this difficult situation?

I wasn't being honest!

After expressing my true frustration and telling him what I was thinking, he heard for the first time that he wasn't getting me what I needed.

It was like someone turned the lights on!

This entire situation was on me and it wasn't until I owned the fact that I was contributing to this that I was able to create more of what I wanted.

The moral of this story:  Nothing changes until you take ownership.  If you keep pointing the finger at everyone else YOU ARE GIVING AWAY YOUR POWER TO CHANGE THE SITUATION.

What about you, where might you be contributing to a failure to communicate?